Final Days at The Kennel

It is with great pleasure and only a very, very tiny hint of sadness that I depart the Kennel. To quote a hero of mine ...

"Free at last, free at last, thank god allmighty, I'm free at last."

Today is my last day. I am thrilled. I am going to take a handful of glue sticks and chuck them out the window.

I will let the door hit me in the ass on the way out ---

Frank

Taking a Break

I will be suspending the blog. It may be continued, it may not. Much love. Frank

Gertrude's Departure

The Kennel has gone into disaster mode. Coupled with a pending move and the New York City Transit strike things are in complete disarray.

Gertrude is gone; she's no longer in the office. She announced that she will not come to work during the strike and has left. She is off on an Amtrak to the south and I highly doubt I'll see her again. Yes, she was my boss -- but to be honest she has done so little the last two months that very little will change. She did leave a scorning departure memo -- I have included parts of it below.

You will never have staff that will be able to comprehend the ins and outs of organizing women in protest to the misogynistic community that is Manhattan. Please do not even attempt to advance the causes of these women ever again.

and --

I believe in America, this is a remarkable country. There are few people that have made this place better -- hopefully we will be judged kindly.

Her final statement was:

I have provided remarkable leadership for you amongst seniors -- godspeed.

However, her departure does not mean that we don't have things to blog about. The Rocket brought her dog to work the other day. It's a tiny dog that is much better behaved then the Bossman's dogs. Her dog hasn't taken a shit in the middle of the Kennel. Well Rocket commented about how her dog doesn't really get along with men that well. Gertrude declared "With Good Reason!"

The Collar is incredibly happy that Gertrude is no longer in the office. The two of them get along about as well as Hugo Chavez and George Bush. They hadn't said a word to each other in the 7 months they overlapped at the Kennel. He arrived at work today around 12:45 (he took yesterday off) and stood in front of her office bowed his head and said "I was hoping beyond hope that my princess would be here this morning." He then proceeded to salute her empty office.
He also predicted that she will last a maximum of 8 months at her new job.

We did go out to some awful restaurant for our office "holiday" outing. The collar didn't come with us. Gertrude was painful to be with -- I'd rather sit through an endless loop of Brokeback Mountain. You know those people who just suck life out every little thing -- she took on one of those personalities, chemically unable to enjoy herself. She also got very upset at me when I asked not to have anchovies in my Caesar Salad, "It's not a Caesar salad with out anchovies."

We did out "secret santa" giveaways (I got two books, and gave Rocket a blender) and somebody gave Gertrude a nice little book about Women Travel. You'd think it would be something she would have liked. Her response to the present was "oh, at least it's something I haven't read yet." Arguably, these were very kind words. When we were leaving, she abruptly stood up and left, a couple of people were in the bathroom, somebody else was on their cell phone and she, without saying goodbye, just strolled out of the restaurant.

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One quick note -- one of our high school interns is named Winston. Voodoo refuses to call him Winston and will only call him David. She said she had an old boyfriend named Winston and can't bring herself ever to say that name again.

Welcome Home

I haven’t had a chance to blog in a while. Not for a lack of wanting to – even though I must admit blogging is much more challenging than I ever could have imagined. I have just ended my stint on a Jury. Perhaps I will share some of those anecdotes one of these days, as it was quite an experience, for all the wrong reasons.

Thought I would give you an update on some of the stuff that has been percolating around the office/district the last couple of weeks.

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The library is kicking ass and taking names. There was another “town hall meeting” to discuss the fate of the library.

The options are:

1. Construction should take place on the exterior of the building. (Wacky Community Members Favor)

B. Construction should take place on the interior of the building. (Wacky Library Staff Favors)

3. Nothing should be done at all. (Some Really Wacky Community Members Favor)

So the highlights of the meeting in terms of quotes and other anecdotes are as follows.

*** One woman suggested that the library “take the chairs out, so we can sit on the floor … all we need are books and computers”

*** In response to option B (which would involve an enhanced teen area) One elderly woman screamed out … and I do mean screamed out. “Teens should be reading Adult Classics, like me did”

*** A middle aged man demanded to know where the head of the library was, he was emphatic about it. It turned out the head of the library was sitting at the same table he was.

*** Some woman expressed concern about the pace of the library’s construction by saying that the library is “following the pattern we’ve seen in New Orleans”. I can only assume that she was making a Hurricane Katrina reference, not making reference to having women flash boobs in the library. (if so … I’m down for extra reading)

*** Another woman linked the possible closing of the country to the war in Iraq, making some statement that culminated with the exact phrase “damaging to the country”

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I had another meeting the other night regarding some endless construction on a street in the area. I sympathize because the construction is quite a nuisance, however one man linked the construction to the “german assault on britian during the second world war”.

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More to follow shortly. Holiday dinner is tonight and perhaps some future blogs about the collar.

Finally, bossman went on a very popular, national (right leaning) TV show the other day protesting the Bush Administration and the War in Iraq. The following is a few of the emails we received. (note, I have not made this up at all – these are actual emails) There are hundreds of them. I cringe for America.


I can't believe you aligned yourself with those who praise Hitler. You are a disgrace to the USA !

***

Hey "NUMBNUTS", keep your God-damned mouth shut regarding anything
about Iraq!!!!!
We "DO NOT NEED" any "ASS" as you, are speaking of anything!!!
SHUT UP NUMBNUTS!!!!!
(insert name)
New Milford, PA 18834

***

From a middleaged married couple - after watching your appearance on O'Reilly Factor...consider yourself flipped off. Fascist? Illegal war? You know what...you're just another talking points, truth-be-damned, let's get the power back leftist. You care not for this country, or that we are under attack. That there are those who want to harm us simply because we're Americans. You, sir, with all due respect (and that's very very little) are a pathetic, vile, bottom dweller. Lose anyone on 9/11? Well, those of us who did despise those of you who are more interested in regaining power than protecting this country from terrorism.

***

Over the past 2 years 59 members of my VFW Post have been voting to elect idiots for our award each month. Each month veteran members ranging in age from 35 to 87 pay attention to the news and pick out one person seen or heard on the media spouting idiotic statements. You have met our award standards and have been nominated by one of our members.We have a member that manufactures milking machines and has the process to emboss on a small plastic strainer pad the photo obtained from the internet or media of the idiot. If a photo is not available then we have an image of a jackass rear quarter we use with the persons name below it. When this is done the strainer pad is added to a urinal in our Post restroom. That way when we get the urge we can enter the restroom and take a look at the current elected idiot. You have been nominated and will be voted on 15 December, 2005.If you are elected then in the following week your photo will be added to one of our urinals. This group of veterans have fought in wars starting back in 1941. We all fought to protect your freedom and now we wonder if in your case it may have been a mistake. You are an idiot. Semper Fi!! GySgt. USMC (Ret.)We do not expect a reply........we know that would take testicles and you most likely do not have any!

***

It will be so nice, when you leave MY country, and go live with our enemies in the Middle East.

You are a piece of dog crap, and are unworthy to call yourself an American.

Fornicate you, and the camel you rode in on. Please take "Thunder Thighs Hillary with you.

(Insert Name) Lancaster, CA

***

YOU ARE DANGEROUS . YOU MUST BE VOTED OUT OF OFFICE. You are a sick politician.

You also have a noticeable Girly-Man voice and body language. So leftist Moron Senator, Swim To Cuba . History will prove George W Bush was one of our best war time presidents.

***
Why don't you anti-American scumbags just head out to Russia or some other commie country and screw things up over there instead of here-but be careful, don't let Kennedy drive. But it would be nice if he did. I even have a bridge in mind to have him cross with all you guys in the car.

"Excuse my Absence"

Frank is out on Jury Duty! Please excuse the lack of Posts!

Juror # 7

Notes From The Kennel

I do appreciate the comments on the blog of late. I'd like to welcome the Dysfunctional Diabetic and Pacifica Rim to the World Wide Web, thanks for your contributions, please keep them coming.

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We have another library meeting tomorrow night. Promises to be a good one. I'll be sure to keep you posted on any insane comments or potential "hearing problems" that may or may not come to be. It looks as if none of the interior work will take place -- instead the renovations will be focused on refurbishing the exterior of the building. I'll be sure to keep you posted, but if this goes through, I guess the teens in the Village will have to find other places to have sex.

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Haven't seen the Alpha Dog in going on more than 2+ weeks now. No joke! Saw Gertrude today for the first time in over a week. Voodoo's been running the ship -- which is always scary. There is some talk in the Kennel about her potentially running for office. The funny thing is nobody can really tell if this a realistic possibilty. Currently it stands as a sort of joke ... nobody, including her, knows if she is really going to run, so it's one of these ongoing things that people are uncomfortable about talking about because they don't want to say some offensive, but they can't imagine it's really going to happen. Imagine if I told you I was going to join the Marines. (Okay, maybe that's a bad example!)

Well, I've been really enjoying this potential campaing. I can't wait. I'm drooling over the press releases and community newsletters that I would be able to write. Currently, Voodoo has already promised me the opportunity to be her Chief of Staff. Which would be a great career move for me ... I think ... at least the blog wouldn't suffer.

Gertrude

One of the things that I've neglected, (besides my office responsibilities) while writing this blog, is a better description of my colleagues. Most of you may have a sense of the Igloo and Bossman/Alpha Dog, perhaps Rocket -- but the rest of the Kennel is probably just a scattered bunch of pseudonyms and anecdotes. My bad -- I hope to correct that.

Let's start with Gertrude: (names have been changed to protect my ass)

Gertrude has been at the Kennel almost as long as I have. She's my direct boss and the person that I'm supposed to go to when I have an issue, need a day off, can't figure out something etc...

Well she doesn't really do much of that anymore. She usually arrives about two hours late and takes a long lunch break. The woman is remarkably deflated, she spends most of her day in her little cubby of an office and reads. Honestly, I'm shocked when I see her in the office before noon -- it happens around once a week. She lives alone in one of the outer boroughs and has seen her glory days pass her by, I wouldn't be surprised if she was clinically depressed -- there is no doubt in my mind that she is remarkably lonely. Her two closest friends are the Elizabeth Cady Stanton biography and the Oxygen network. She complains constantly about the bossman (which is an easy thing to do) and says -- I just don't care anymore.

She's a southern, middle aged, single lesbian. Let's pause. She's one of these spectacular feminists (and I mean spectacular in both a good and bad way) who really has devoted her life to the advancement of woman's rights. She's been arrested, organized demonstrations, sponsored conferences, filed lawsuits, on behalf of advancing woman's rights. All of which is very noble, the problem is, she can be very standoffish and is impossible to work with.

Gertrude gets something stuck in her head and nothing else matters. If she was working on a tiny little issue, let's say getting the entire office to sign a greeting card, and I approached her saying I had figured out who assassinated Kennedy, she'd yell at me for not focusing on the greeting card.

Gertrude and the Collar hate each other. The animosity between the two of them is sharper than the knife a butcher uses to slice pastrami. (Where did that come from). In the six months they have both been at the Kennel they have said not a word to one another. They will not attend a meeting the other is at, they compete for the support/approval of other office members and they make everybody remarkably uncomfortable. Two aging gays -- destined to be lonely. It is very sad.

I once told Voodoo that they needed to hate fuck each other, she laughed for an hour.

I do like Gertrude, I think she'll be leaving the Kennel in January. Less fodder for the blogger.